5 Ways Korea is Trying to Kill You

So, I’ve been in Korea for a bit now (about 4 years) but haven’t really written about what it’s like to live here. I think now is a great time to start mixing in blogs about living in Korea now that I’m all jaded and cranky :). Everybody has the happy wonderful blogs, but nobody tells you the negative things. If you’re easily offended by anything remotely negative about Korea, I suggest you grab a big bowl of kimchi and go look at kittens instead.

Note: Some of my blogs about Korea will actually be helpful.

So let’s begin our journey… Ahhh…Korea: The Land of the Morning Calm. Ha! More like Korea: The Land of the Holy-Shit!-Hang-on-for-Dear-Life!!! Seriously. This country is a death trap for the unsuspecting expat – it seems that everything here is out to kill or maim you. Here’s my list of the top 5 culprits to keep an eye out for.

 5. Bad Smells
Imagine you’re out for a nice early summer/late spring walk – the sun is shining, birds are chirping, the smell of fresh bread is wafting from a nearby bakery, when suddenly BAM!!! There it is from out of nowhere: the unmistakable smell of shit.

You look around confused and check your pants to make sure that the kimchi you had with your lunch didn’t sneak up on you unexpectedly.

Fear not – it’s not you – it’s just Korea. The random open sewer grates near sidewalks will wait until the opportune time to send out a puff of toxic shit-gas to assault the unsuspecting passerby’s olfactory senses.

"Yes, come closer, my pretty..."
And as if the toxic shit-gas isn't bad enough, your bathroom drain will constantly emit horrible smells, not to mention the weird things people cook in the neighborhood. It makes you see the wisdom of those face masks they wear when they're sick.

 

I’m beginning to think they aren’t sick at all…
4. Metal Grates/Sidewalks 

People often ask me why I look down when I walk. Is it low self-esteem? Is it shyness? Nope, none of the above. It’s simply to watch where the hell I’m walking. You may ask yourself why this is so important (and if you do, you’ve obviously never been to Korea). Well, there are a few different reasons for this: The metal grates used for sending out shit-gas and water drainage get slicker than snot on a brass door knob when it rains. One misstep in shoes with no traction and bam! down your ass goes (I know this from experience). Not only are they slick, but I’ve seen many a Korean women in their oh so fashionable high heels crumble to the ground in a squealing heap of Prada and Louis Vuitton as a heel gets stuck in the grate. I often imagine some engineer that hated women designed the grates to be the exact size to latch on to heels at random as he laughed maniacally.

 

1.5 centimeters...perfect...
On the other hand, sidewalks are uneven, jumbled, jigsaw puzzles of bricks just waiting to trip you. And if watching for the stray uneven brick isn’t enough, you have the joy of looking out for all kinds of body excrement/ice cream/beverages so you don’t step in them.

 

If I zig around the ice cream, zag around the loogie, and then jump over the drunk, passed out man, I can make it home...
3. Scooters 

Scooters are Korea’s delivery mechanism: pizza, chicken, mail, McDonald’s, organs, whatever. Traffic is horrible and gas is expensive so it makes sense…until you realize that traffic laws don’t apply to them and you get ran over by a guy with Big Macs to deliver. 

Yup, on the sidewalk. Not only that, but you’ll find them weaving in and out of traffic, going through crosswalks, running red lights with no regard for anybody’s safety. As if sidewalks aren’t dangerous enough, now you have to keep an eye out for scooters barreling down them. But hey, if one hits you, you’ll at least stand a pretty good chance of having someone’s mangled pizza to munch on while you wait for the ambulance.

 

Like this but with more blood.
2. Public Transportation (Buses/Taxis) 

You might think that public transportation would be a super-safe way to get around, but that would be logic talking, and that just has no place in S. Korea. I’m pretty sure that bus and taxi drivers have to fail a patience test and be certified by NASCAR/Formula 1 before they are given their licenses. Buses have no problem charging right through red lights if they deem the way to be clear. They also take corners at no less than 30 mph. Now, this wouldn’t be too bad except that at any given time there could be 1 – 20 people standing in the aisle hanging on to little straps dangling from the ceiling for dear life…well, foreigners at least: Koreans look like they’re standing in line at the supermarket or sleeping. Not sitting down yet? Doesn’t matter – the driver will take off like the checkered flag has been dropped at Indy 500 and launch you and that 80-year-old grandma across the bus like a 4-year-old having a temper tantrum.

 

Half the people on those buses will need to change pants when they get home.
Taxis have no problem running red lights while blaring their horn – honking your horn while running lights makes it ok because you’re giving fair warning I suppose. They will whip around other cars and wait in the crosswalk at a red light so they can be the first one to take off at breakneck speed. All of this might make it seem like they are in a hurry to get you where you’re going, but at the same time, they’re pumping the gas pedal making the car do this lurching thing to maintain a speed. So if you get car sick easily, avoid most taxis in Korea because you’ll end up hurling all over the nice driver’s leopard print car seat cover. 

And while we’re on the subject of driving in Korea, the brake pedal is abused horribly by both bus and taxi drivers: there is no slow, easing stop. Oh no. It is a whiplash inducing slamming on the brake stop. They’ve apparently never been taught how to use the pedal to slow down properly, so keep your hot coffee away from your crotch.

1. Angry Ajummas 

If you’ve seen this video, you know what I mean. 

  http://nanoomi.net/archives/3964 

 An ajumma is literally any woman that is old enough to be married or is married. However, we refer to a specific type of woman as an “ajumma.” For your convenience, see the following information on how to spot an ajumma.

Cute but deadly

Older people in Korea get away with all kinds of shit: shoving past people in line, yelling at people to give up a seat, spitting on sidewalks, and farting during a conversation (not even joking on that one). Ajummas may look like cute and cuddly like a koala bear, but piss one off and you’ll feel their awesome ajumma rage. They possess deceiving supernatural strength and chase down a speeding bus at a bus stop.

So beware the cute looking grandmas – they will rip you a new one and gleefully laugh as they dance a little hunched over jig on your dead body.

BBQ Chicken

Well friends, I’ve had to find a new chicken place to get my chicken fix since DD Chicken closed. And I’m slightly ashamed to admit that I had been cheating on DD with BBQ before DD brought our long-standing relationship to an end. Yes…I am a dirty chicken ho’: I don’t care where it comes from, as long as it’s fried and delicious.

And BBQ Chicken is indeed delicious. I'm pretty sure that they mix a little bit of crack in with the flour. I swear to insert-your-favorite-deity that for several days after I first took some BBQ Chicken home, I was jonesing for more chicken…breaking out in cold sweats…stomach growling….hallucinating about chicken…Ok, maybe not that extreme, but it is some damn good chicken and I was craving it for a few days until I got some more. It’s also one of the more expensive, if not the most, fried chicken places around. The prices will range from 15000 won to 20000 won.
(I’ll scan in a menu later)

I usually get chicken from the branch inside the complex at work when I leave work at night and have a chicken craving – it’s very convenient. Unfortunately, unless you work for Samsung, you can’t access this one. However, fear not my fellow Yeongtongites, Yeongtongians waegookins!! There is a BBQ Chicken branch located between the Yeongtong Homeplus and Kyunghee-de. I, unfortunately, can’t give you an exact location, but if you wander around between the two places, you’ll spot it :D I’ve only ordered delivery from here since I live down in the 4 danji area and don’t feel like walking forever for my chicken fix. Ordering delivery from them is pretty simple if you know you’re address…just say hello and then tell them what kind of chicken you want. They’ll ask something about if you want a small or large soda, and then for your address. The people there speak just enough English to prompt you. And, if you’re lucky, once you order a few times, they’ll repeat your address back to you before you even give it because they have stalkercaller ID.

I’ve tried a few different kinds of chicken from here because sometimes my team orders it, but when I order it myself, I keep it pretty simple with either the BB Wings or the Olive-whatever Chicken Strips – honestly, when I order from work, I just point at the picture, and I order “BB Wings” for delivery because it’s easy. I don’t eat a lot of whole chicken (just white meat) so that’s why I don’t order a lot of the “soon sal” chicken (순살), which is a whole chicken cut up and fried.

Mmm....wings...

Now, I’ve had a Korean friend warn me before that if you order a saucy chicken (no, it doesn’t have an attitude), they will fry the chicken in older oil since the sauce will cover up the darker batter color. I don’t know if it’s true, but eh, who cares: it’s fried chicken. I used to work at KFC when I was in high school, so I know how often the oil needs to be changed before it starts affecting the color.

There isn’t anything here that I’ve tried that I don’t like. The breading on the fried chicken is just, really, really good. I can’t really describe the flavor, but it’s yummy. The chicken is also juicy and not overcooked or undercooked.
So, for those that aren’t too hot with Korean, here’s a list of some of the words on the menu and what they are in English:

후라이드 (hu-ride) = fried
닭 (kind of like dawk) or 치킨 (chee-keen) = chicken
다리 (da-ri) = leg
웡스 (wings) = wings
칼슘양념 (cal-shum yeong-nyeom) = fried chicken dipped in a “calcium sauce” (not sure what it is, though)
매운맛양념 (mei-un-mat yeong-nyeom)= fried chicken dipped in a hot sauce
매운맛 닭 다리 (mei-un-mat dawk da-ri) = hot chicken legs
순살크래커 (soon-sal c-rak-ah) = I don’t know. I think this is the hacked up whole chicken fried in pieces
비비웡스 (bee bee wing-suh) ^^ - fried wings
스모크 치킨 (s-mo-kuh chee-keen) – smoked chicken
퉁다리비배큐 (tong da-ri bee-beh-que) = some kind of barbequed legs
골드휭거 (golduh hwing-gah) = chicken fingers (strips)

So, hope that helps! Good luck ordering chicken ^^

내고향 왕만두 (Hometown King Mandu)

I haven't blogged about too much Korean food despite being in Korea...sorry 'bout that, heh. I just don't eat a lot of Korean food anymore. One Korean food that I do still enjoy, though, is mandu, a.k.a. dumplings. There are basically two types or mandu: kimchi and gogi (meat). You can also get them filled with red bean paste as more of a dessert bun.

This new bun place opened in Yeongtong located diagonally across the street from Homeplus' front entrance a few months ago and, according to a Korean friend of mine, is a quite famous mandu place. I know a few times that I've walked by, there has been a line down the block waiting to order some mandu. There are tons of mandu shops all over the place and such, but apparently this one is better? I dunno. You can spot mandu shops by looking for the round metal containers that hold the deliciousness in a steamy warmness.

Now, 왕 in Korean means "King," so the large dumplings are king dumplings. They are large enough to be a meal on their own and only cost 1000 won! And they come in this adorable bag.

But I really don't want to imagine my mandu with a cute little winky face that reminds me of Rocketslime.

Anywho, this is a king kimchi mandu:

The filling for kimchi mandu consists of kimchi (duh), clear noodle bits, and sometimes bits of pork, so if you're vegetarian, you still might have to avoid the kimchi mandu. King gogi (meat) mandu will be the same except more meat and no kimchi. I prefer kimchi mandu to gogi mandu. When you buy the king mandu, the outside is made more of a breading than a typical dumpling wrap. They are too big for that and would bust open all over your nice shiny suit if they were wrapped in the dumpling wrap. You can also get mini mandu (10 for 3500 won here) at the mandu places, too.

Now, the other dumpling you can get is the red bean bun (찐빵 - "steamed bun"). These massive bad boys also cost only 1000 won.

To give you an idea of how large these things are:

They are definitely big enough to share with a friend, but all I had was Bessie. Here kitty kitty...

She didn't want any :(

So, there ya have a mandu place. You can get mini-mandu at any number of Korean places, but you can only get KING MANDU!!! at the places that specifically sell mandu.

Enjoy!

Misoya

Next up is a typical Japanese chain in Korea: Misoya. This used to be one of my favorite places to eat when I was teaching at Avalon years ago since there was a branch located right across the street from the hakwon in Dong Suwon. You can find these just about everywhere (or a similar place) in Korea. There are two in the Yeongtong area: one next to Papa John’s (near 1 danji) when you enter Yeongtong (where Kyochon Chicken used to be :( *sad face*) and one located diagonally from Homeplus near Nilli’s.

One of the best things about Misoya is that it’s not expensive: most meals will run between 6000 and 9000 won and are filling. I can’t comment on the quality of the sushi since I don’t eat it, but I’ve heard it can be hit and miss from my friends. However, I have tried the California rolls – I just pretend the fish roe are sprinkles ^^ (Yay! Sprinkles!!) The pork cutlets sometimes seem a little undercooked, and I’ve had to ask them to cook it longer. Pork is one of those meats that I absolutely have to have cooked all the way. I don’t go here as often as I used to, so I don’t have pictures of a lot of the food, but I do have a few (poorly taken) menu shots.

In addition to sushi and pork cutlets (donkasu) they have udon and bulgogi dishes.
The dish that I’ve been getting the most lately is the mozzarella cheese and pork cutlet. This is basically a mozzarella stick with some pork in the middle.

Meals also come with a cabbage salad with a...weird dressing on it. It used to be a Thousand Islands type dressing, but now I don’t know what it is. You also get a cup of miso soup, a bowl of rice, radish kimchi (ggakdugi, I believe), a dipping sauce for the cutlet, and some corn slaw (basically corn, peas, and carrots in a mayo dressing).

The food, to me at least, seems alright as far as quality. I would imagine Misoya is the Japanese-food equivalent of McDonald’s, so I wouldn’t base my whole Korean-Japanese food experience on Misoya. For a quick dinner or lunch, it’s a decently priced place to stop in and grab a bite to eat.

Nilli's Pasta & Pizza

I’ve had several posts waiting to go up…I’ve just been lazy.

So we’ll start off with Nilli’s Pasta & Pizza. This isn’t a bad place to get some pasta or pizza…as you might expect. When looking for this chain, look for “Pasta & Pizza” in large letters – it took me a year of eating here at the branch by Samsung before I realized that it actually had a name. A few months ago, to my delight, they opened a branch in Yeongtong across from Homeplus. If you’re leaving Homeplus via the front entrance, cross the road diagonally to the right and it will be on that block (on the road that runs in front of Homeplus).

The Yeongtong location hasn’t been too busy when I’ve went in for dinner or lunch, which is a good thing since they don’t have a whole lot of space inside.

The prices are pretty typical for an Italian place in Korea. Pasta dishes will typically be between 9000 won and 13000 won (add about 6000 won if you want to make it a portion for two peeps), while the pizzas will run between 12500 for a margherita to 15000 for a gorgonzola. Sodas will be the typical (approx.) 2000 won that you find at Korean restaurants; however, you can get a basket of garlic bread (2 pcs.) and a soda for 3500, I think.

Speaking of the garlic bread – this is probably my favorite thing at Nilli’s because…wait for it…it’s not sweet!! Yup, at least as far as I can tell, it’s not that sweet garlic bread that so many places try to pass off on you. Granted, it is possible that my taste buds have been ruined after 4 years of living in Korea, so you’ll have to let me know if it tastes sweet to any of you.

Nilli’s offers red sauce pasta and cream sauce pasta dishes. The only pasta that I’ve tried has been the cream sauce ones (and non-seafood). The cream sauce really doesn’t have any flavor – it’s just plain white sauce. Luckily, they do season the chicken and such that they put in the pasta, but other than that there isn’t a lot of flavor to the sauce itself.
The chicken and mushroom pasta:

The pizzas aren’t bad – I’ve tried several of them (margherita, rucola, gorgonzola, etc.). They’re good for sharing with a friend as an appetizer but not really as a meal by themselves if you’re hungry. The crust is super thin and so are the toppings.
Here’s the gorgonzola pizza, which is a sauceless pizza with bleu cheese crumbles and white cheese that comes with a honey and garlic dipping sauce.

Overall, I quite like Nilli’s since it’s not very busy most of the time and the garlic bread is good. There are a couple of other places in Yeongtong (like Basta Pasta) and a new one in the Yeongtong Park area (haven’t tried this one yet), but I think I prefer Nilli’s over Basta Pasta because they seem to not be as awkward around foreigners.

RotiBoy/RotiMum/RotiPapa

I like big buns and I cannot lie, you oth… *ahem* Sorry about that..Well, today is Rotiboy/RotiMum/RotiPapa! I really don’t know the difference between the 3 chains, but they all have the delicious rotibuns. Their website might shed some light on it (http://www.rotiboy.com/), but I really didn’t care enough to go looking.

Rotibuns are actually a Malaysian bread based on a Mexican bread that’s been imported into Korea. A Korean dude was in Malaysia and said, “Hey, I like these! Koreans like bread! I’ll open a chain in Korea!” And so we have rotibuns in South Korea. Close enough to the real story at least… Anyway, the one in Yeongtong is a RotiMum and is located next to A Twosome Place across from the Yeongtong Kinex (and KFC). Rotibuns are also called “coffee buns” at some places, like Paris Baguette (I assume because rotibun is trademarked and because it has a light coffee-flavored sprinkling on top). Interestingly enough, “roti” means “bread,” so they’re literally “bread buns.” They often look like little hats because the bottom has flattened out around the edge. Mine that I got today just looks like a brown lump. :/

When you walk into one of the RotiWhatever stores, the first thing that’ll hit you is the smell of rotibuns baking. *sniifffff* Ahhh! The smell of them baking alone will make your mouth start to water – a sweet, buttery bun smell. And they taste just like they smell. They’re best when they’re fresh out of the oven, which is how they serve them typically. The inside is a sweet, buttery, light bread that melts in your mouth when they’re fresh. The outside is slightly crispy with a light coffee flavor. Mine had to endure a 15 minute walk home, so it doesn’t look quite as light and fluffy.

The RotiX stores will also sell other types of buns, like pumpkin, and coffee and maybe ice cream, too. Each one is a little different so it’s hard to keep track. The one here in Yeongtong has ice cream and coffee available. Rotibuns are fairly inexpensive at 2000 won each and are nice for alight snack while out for a walk. Some of the other buns will run you about 5000 won, but eh, who wants anything besides a rotibun anyway?

So if you haven’t tried a rotibun yet, stop into your local RotiBoy/Mum/Papa store and give one a go -They’re definitely worth it!

Izakaya (Maetan-dong and Yeongtong)

And….back to South Korea. Let’s start back up with one of my favorite Japanese ramen places: Izakaya. The location that I typically go to is located in Maetan-dong in front of Samsung (this location is now closed or has moved elsewhere and I haven't found it again yet). There is a location in Yeongtong, but the exact location escapes me – I think it’s on the street that runs along the side of KFC, but I’ll have to double-check that. I’ve never been to the one in Yeongtong because I’m more familiar with places in front of work.

It's to the right of Freshburger (which I DO NOT recommend).

They serve a few other things besides ramen here, like some donkasu and random other dishes that I have no clue what they are. Izakaya is nice for a quick, cheap lunch or dinner: the bowls of ramen average about 6500 won and the sets, which come with a smaller bowl of ramen and variety of choices for cutlet on rice, for an average of 10500 won. The rice and donkasu bowls on their own aren’t very filling, so I’d recommend getting a set. I’m not sure what kind of ramen comes with the set and I’m too sure on getting it replaced with a different type. I know that one time I went with a Korean friend and he was able to get them to substitute the miso ramen for me. I should probably note that the only ramen I’ve eaten at Izakaya is the miso: they have two different kinds of miso ramen. The one I get most often is on the first page of the menu and has the spicy symbol next to it. I prefer the miso ramen because the soup base is miso instead of a fish base, which is what the other ramen soup bases taste like to me (I don’t like fish). The other miso ramen is on the third page of the menu and has half of a boiled egg on top and comes with mushrooms and 3 pieces of pork as opposed to 1 with the ramen that I always get.

As you can see, the ramen is topped with a copious amount of bean sprouts, corn, green onions, a piece of seaweed, and a piece of pork. This is the one I typically get because I always pick the pork out and feel better about taking out 1 piece instead of 3 :). Now, I love seaweed, but the seaweed they use in the ramen taste a little off to me, so I usually try to pick its sogginess out of my noodles, too. The ramen also comes with a little side of kimchi and pickled radishes. The kimchi here is hit and miss – sometimes it’s good, sometimes it just taste like old, nasty, spicy cabbage. The radishes, however, I love: I think they’re marinated in soy sauce or crack (much like the jjangjorim at Bon Juk).

I haven’t tried many things here since a lot of the ramen has seafood in it, but my Korean friends enjoy those ramens quite well. They also have dumplings on the menu as a side item that are baked instead of fried. I think they’re “gyozo” on the menu instead of “mandu,” but they’re the first item under Side Orders on the menu.

So yeah, I can’t really read the menu very well at Izakaya and can’t tell you much about most of the food, but I know the one thing that I always order is enjoyable and I probably look something like Naruto while I’m eating my ramen.

*image copyright VIZ Media